How to build self-esteem - Eating An Elephant

It takes courage to finish a relationship, especially one where you have been emotionally abused. You will go through a process of grief - some days feeling strong, other days you are tempted to go back. Good days where you know you have done the right thing for you; bad days where you still crave the good times you had like an addiction. It is powerful and takes energy, strength and self-love to persevere down your new path.

Fulfilling the need to feel loved many people fall quickly into a new relationship often before looking at why things went wrong in the last relationship. If you can fall in love with yourself before moving on you are so unlikely to repeat the same patterns and so likely to find a true, healthy loving relationship.

Changing your self talk is the most important step in building self-esteem.

Recognising and then interupting negative thoughts is vital.

Veto all thoughts of:

 being a victim; 

for apologising for being you;

 "I can't...";

 "I should..."; 

"I never...";

 "I always...";

 "I'm rubbish...";

Who put these thought in your head?

Rephrase them and replace them:

I have been unfortunate but I am unique and lovable just as I am.

It is difficult at the moment but I can learn.

Once you recognise negative self-talk, if you can interupt it with a mantra or positive affirmation you will start to change the way you think. Remember - you are what you think.

How you think effects your attitude. The decision to change the way you think about yourself will change your attitude to things that happen to you and to how you feel about other people - you will interpret things from a new perspective.

Find your own wording for your personal mantra along the lines of:

"STOP!

 I choose the new path.

 I value myself as lovable and wonderful just as I am.

I am stopping every backward looking,

negative thought.

I am what I think"

Every time you catch yourself thinking something negative, stop  and repeat your mantra. This could be thirty times a day, or more, but over time it will get less and less as you retrain your brain.

Let me know any great mantras that have worked for you - they might help other people too.

Keep faith in yourself. Til the next time.

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